Drabbles of the Plague Rat
by Queen of Golden Lions
Summary: This stupid Kingdom Hearts AU returns still containing basically everyone regardless of whether or not they even belong in the Kingdom Hearts world. An expansion of my story "Plague Rat," this series of drabbles jumps through various timelines and parts of the lives of the characters I've thrown together haphazardly. Expect embarrassment and entertainment and Leon to be a victim.
1. Chapter 1

**PAJAMAS**

"You know, Leon, I put some thought into that complaint you made the other day." Laguna broke the silence in the living room very suddenly, causing Leon to flinch. Leon stared warily over at his dad.

"What complaint was that, exactly?" Leon asked slowly.

"When you said those kids were calling you weird," Laguna said, tapping away at his laptop's keyboard. "And I finally determined what you should do."

Leon raised an eyebrow.

"Oh? And what is it that I should do?"

"Own up and face the fact that you're weird."

Leon's right eye twitched.

"But I'm not weird!" he exclaimed. Laguna snorted and looked over at Leon.

"Dude. You are so weird. Like.. you are by definition weird. If you weren't weird, I would have to disown you."

Leon got up and threw a couch pillow at his dad.

"I don't want to hear it from the guy still in his pajamas at two thirty in the afternoon!"

"We've been through this before," Laguna said as Leon crossed the room to the front door. "If I'm not out of the pajamas by midday, I am not out of the pajamas at all."

The front door closed and Leon walked down the sidewalk towards Cloud's house, wondering if he really _was_ related to that idiot he called his father.


	2. Chapter 2

**TEENAGERS**

It was not that Ienzo particularly disliked teenagers; it's just that they were so darn loud. And tall, he added in afterthought. Definitely because they were tall. The small bluenette contemplated his current problem as he sat underneath one of the booth tables in the ice cream parlor. He could partially see the three individuals who had come running in with much enthusiasm and he could hear everything they were saying. None of it really made sense to him (he concluded that it was probably because though they were older and supposedly wiser, he was still superior to them and their limited vocabulary when it came to intellectual matters) and he had decided to stay out of their way. The only real problem was that the apparent ringleader of the group (some raven-haired young man called "Zackers") had proclaimed that his group would not leave until they got their ice cream and Ienzo was in charge of looking after the parlor while his Uncle Ansem was out on errands.

It had been a very quiet Wednesday afternoon as Wednesdays usually were. Ienzo had been told to mind the counter like he usually did on Wednesdays from three to five in the afternoon. Business was always slow in the middle of the week. Ansem had decided that the intelligent little nine-year-old could manage the slow period for him; the kid was quiet and generally nonassertive, but people liked him and would listen to him. What could possibly go wrong? And nothing did go wrong. The most trouble Ienzo seemed to have was climbing up onto the tall stool behind the register counter. So Ansem thought nothing of leaving the child alone for two hours at the parlor… even if it was the middle of finals week.

Ienzo scuttled a little closer to the wall when he heard the trio start to walk around the store.

"We just saw the kid, where the hell did he go?" asked one voice which Ienzo had learned belonged to someone named "Lea." It was quickly responded to by another voice that Ienzo had attributed to a somewhat cranky looking blond.

"I don't know," the blond's voice said. "But we need to find him if we want our ice cream."

"We could always just snatch some…" Lea said. Ienzo suddenly heard a smacking noise.

"No. That's not the honorable way to do this," he heard Zackers say. "We could always wait for Mr. Ansem to come back."

"I don't actually have time for that," the blond said. "I only agreed to come along because I thought this would be quick. I have a study group session over at the library in about ten minutes…"

Ienzo dared to peek out from under the table. The three were starting a discussion so he was sure he could very quietly sneak over booth by booth until he could get to the back of the store. He was perfectly capable of it; every detail of this particular strategy was mapped out in his head and he was quiet anyway, all he had to do was keep sneaking just a little more and he would be headed to the back office of the store, just a little more and—achoo!

Three teenagers turned sharply when they heard the sneeze.

"There he is!" yelled the blond.

"Get him!" shouted Lea as he ran towards Ienzo.

"Guys, no, stop!" screamed Zackers.

Ienzo started to cry.

"Whoa," Lea said, backing off. "Dude, he's like… he's _crying_ what do I do?!"

"I don't know!" the blond said, panicking. "I don't know how to fix this, you idiot!"

Just then, the door to the shop opened. In walked Ansem, back to pick up some letters he had forgotten to bring with him. He looked around at the chaos in the room; the panic on Cloud's face, Lea's confusion, Zack trying to help Ienzo, who was nearing hysterics at that point, and then he let out a long sigh. He went and picked up Ienzo, carrying him into one of the back rooms of the shop and put him down, patted his head, and told him to calm down. Going back into the main part of the shop, he got the three other boys their ice cream and sent them on their way. After they were gone, he went back to check on Ienzo.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, making sure his nephew was calming down. "What happened?"

"_Teenagers_." Ienzo just said miserably. "_Teenagers _happened."


	3. Chapter 3

**POP ROCKS**

Zack had been far too quiet for Angeal's liking, though he did not exactly want to go looking for Zack. Sometimes it was best to not interfere; he had found Zack once in the middle of some homework but the sudden interruption had derailed Zack's train of thought and ruined everything. He did not want to risk that sort of thing happening again. Still… it was only a Saturday afternoon and Zack was being far too quiet. Angeal did not like this.

Knocking softly at Zack's closed door, he received no answer. He waited another minute before opening it and walking in. There was no one there. Strange. Angeal shook his head. He had checked the dining room, the den, and the kitchen. He had looked out the back window and seen no one. He sighed. It was time to resort to contacting Zack via cell phone. He was about to create a new message when his phone suddenly vibrated. It was a message from Zack.

"Geal. Just replaced the cat litter with like... 50 packets of pop rocks. Now we wait."

Angeal stared dumbfounded at the message on his phone. So that's why he couldn't find Zack all day; the one place he had not checked at all was the utility room and that is where the cat's litter box was. He felt something rubbing against his leg and looked down.

"Meow," said a little white fluffball of cat.

"I'm so sorry," Angeal told the cat as he crouched down to pet her. "I am so, so sorry."

The cat only purred and then turned to walk away, heading in the direction of the utility room.

Angeal could only hope that the cat would be angry and pee in Zack's bed, not his.


	4. Chapter 4

**TWERKING**

"Come on, Cloud, it's not that hard."

"Light, it is… You know, I don't really want to do this anyway, can I go—"

"No," Cloud heard his big sister insist harshly. "No, you can't, you _need_ to learn this so I can use you to get past that part in that dancing game we bought last month."

"It's just a _game_!" Cloud said.

"Cloud, I started it. I am going to finish it. With a 100% completion rate." Lightning said, gaze darkening with determination as she rounded on her younger brother yet again in an attempt to teach him the one troubling dance move.

"Tifa, do you know how?"

Tifa looked over at the younger girls confusedly.

"What are you asking me exactly?" she queried, turning around in her chair and facing them. Cloud, sitting next to Tifa, had also turned around. He was curious now.

"You know… how to dance." The girl in front said, her brown bob bouncing with her movement. "Like, the more recent dance moves." She added.

Tifa shrugged.

"Twerking." Said one girl towards the back of the group, clarifying the brunette in front's question.

"Yeah, what Fuu said," added a petite redhead. Tifa blinked.

"Well.. uh, yeah, I can twerk." She answered them slowly, blushing a little bit at having to admit it. "But I'm not all that great at it..." she trailed off.

"Well can you at least show us?" The redhead and the brunette asked at the same time. The girl in the back, Fuu, only stared at her with a little more intensity.

"Sure," Tifa said, standing now and brushing the wrinkles out of her shirt.

Cloud briefly thought about taking his phone out and capturing this probable train wreck on video, but decided against it. It probably wouldn't be all that funny and if he posted it anywhere… No, he didn't want to have weird people on the internet perving out on his best female friend. So he only watched, amused, as Tifa began to instruct the girls to follow her lead and assume what appeared to be the proper twerking position. Except, Cloud noticed, something seemed a little bit off.

"Okay, ready?" Tifa asked.

"Yes!" All three of the younger girls replied.

Tifa began to twerk. Or, rather, did what she called twerking.

"You are all doing it wrong!" Cloud said suddenly. "That is not how you twerk."

All four of the girls stared at Cloud in confusion and sudden curiosity.

"Then how do you twerk?" The redhead asked.

"Yeah, what Kairi said," added the brunette.

Cloud stood up in a strange moment of bravery and dramatically took his stance.

"This," he said in a huff, "is how you _twerk._"

All four girls stared at him openmouthed in shock and awe. Most of the other students in the vicinity also stared at Cloud in shock and awe. Soon there were catcalls and whoops sounding from the small crowd that had gathered. Somewhere in the back of Cloud's mind, he felt he should be embarrassed. That part of his mind had been kicked away by the part that was proud that he finally used what Lightning had taught him for something strangely practical.

Also, judging by the way Leon promptly blushed and fainted when he finally happened on the scene, it could possibly be strangely practical for other reasons.


	5. Chapter 5

**WATER**

"Leon, those things you planted months ago are still trying to survive and it's like… the hottest day of summer so far. Where is your sense of responsibility, child?" Laguna asked as he walked into the living room.

"They're still alive?" Leon frowned, putting down the color pencils he had previously been using. There were papers with various drawings and scribbles of colour on them splayed across the coffee table.

"Yeah, they're alive. But they're struggling," Laguna said as he flopped down onto the couch near the table Leon was at. He picked up a stray paper and looked at it before putting it down and turning over onto his back. "Go outside and water the plants, would you?"

"I don't want to do that," Leon said.

"You're ten. You should want to be outside in sweltering heat or whatever," Laguna retorted. "Kids are weird like that. Why are you not weird like that? What did I do wrong?"

Leon had begun gathering his art supplies at this point and was almost out of the room when he was suddenly addressed again.

"We're going outside. Come on."

Leon quickened his pace to run upstairs but was stopped suddenly as his arm was grabbed.

"Go put your stuff up and put on some shorts or something. It's too hot outside for jeans today."

"But Dad, I don't want to—"

"You're going to because plants, that's why," Laguna said and let go of Leon's arm. "I'll be on the back porch, ok?"

Leon grumbled and trudged upstairs. He wanted to disobey, but Laguna had used his Voice of Parental Authority and Leon found that he could not argue with or ignore that tone. He walked into his room, placed his art stuff neatly down next to his books and changed clothes. He trudged back downstairs taking as long a time as he could before going outside.

"Hey, there you are, I thought you fell down the stairs and died or something," Laguna said when Leon walked out onto the porch. "Well not really. If I thought that, I probably would have run back into the house and panicked… why are you standing there? Come over here."

Leon remained where he was.

"No, get over here. The water hose is on now because I was impatient and also it was oozing something weird which is probably not normal and I should probably be concerned but at this moment, I think you need to take the hose and water this struggling garden before it ends up either dying or coming after you."

Leon slowly approached Laguna but did not reach for the water hose.

"Here," Laguna said, holding the hose out to Leon. Leon flinched.

"Leon, it's just the hose. It won't hurt you." Leon flinched again when the spray of water neared him.

"Leon?"

Leon didn't reply.

Laguna was silent for a moment before spritzing Leon with water.

"GYAAAAAAUGH?!" Leon screamed and fell to the ground.

"….okay seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Don't do that! It's scary!" Leon yelled.

"…I reiterate, aren't most ten-year-olds supposed to be happy to be doused with water during summer?"

Leon continued to tremble where he was. He was sprayed again. He screamed.

"Kid, you have issues," Laguna concluded as he scooped Leon up and carried him back indoors to throw a towel on him and dry him off.


End file.
